The Grieving Therapist

Grief

It’s a side effect of true love …

Hypnosis and grief.

When we think about grief we have to start by deconstructing it logically (rather than emotionally).

Grief cannot exist on its own. Its a byproduct of having felt connection or love. The person you are grieving you connected with. They gave you the most valuable thing they had … their life.

After many years being a therapist with constant tragic stories I was hit hard by this client.

I asked her family permission to blog this based on my knowledge. They agreed.

Her name was Cate. A woman in her mid 50s that struggled with ongoing grief.

She had a man she adored in her life early on. He unfortunately was lead astray by drugs and sex. After a horrible breakup Cates heart would never be the same. Then one fateful night a knock sounded on her door to tell her that he had passed away in a car accident. All her hopes to rekindle with him were shattered.
By age 40 she decided she wanted to have a child. After IVF she was successful in becoming pregnant. Even as a single mother she was gleaming with hopes and dreams for her daughter.

As her daughter entered into the world she would now be tested in the art of love. Something that had been damaged inside her to a state of disrepair. Even holding a beautiful baby in her arms she still struggled to open her heart.
In August 2020 she contacted me. Desperate for help.

Upon meeting her I saw a cold woman that wanted to be warm. She beamed as she told me stories about her daughter (her daughter unfortunately was severely anxious and depressed, Cate blamed herself for being so hard on her). She wanted to buy a home for her daughter to have security in the future. At her age it wasn’t easy securing a loan and the place she rented had a terrible landlord. They had been without heating for most of the winter.

Cate loved children so much she even worked in childcare at the local centre. This was a woman that resonated love … yet tarnished it with grief.

At our first session the conversation went exactly like this:
Me: “What do you want most of all from this love you seek”
Cate (with tears welling in her eyes)

Me: “Take as much time as you need. We can only find what we are seeking once we know what we are seeking”
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Cate whispered “a hug”
This took me aback. All Cate wanted was to learn how to open herself up and ask her daughter to hug her.
Such a simple request …
In that session we did a hypnosis technique known as gestalting. This is a form of past life healing. Releasing emotions and learning to trust our new self.
Cate cried as she told me stories and healed herself of hurt and pain. She had been grieving the loss of her soul mate for so long that she had tarnished any love in the present.
At the end of the session I asked her “Would you like a hug?”
Cate leapt into my arms and said “Your good for me you know that!”

I asked her “Would you ever yell at me Cate or degrade me” … she said “absolutely not” … I said “Go home and treat your daughter like your soul mate and the same respect you give me. Never treat the ones you love with lesser respect than you would a stranger”
I could see in Cates eyes that the light bulb was starting to glow.

Upon our 2nd hypnosis session she told me how her and her daughter were getting along better than ever. The household was calm and there was a feeling of relaxation. Her daughter was turning 14 on the Saturday and she couldn’t wait. She truly loved her daughter and would go to the ends of the earth for her.

In the 2nd session we worked on some of her confusion. She believed she was coming across as a nice person (yet her tone would tell you a very different story) I used an nlp technique I call pessimism vs optimism. Many people are good people (it just comes out the wrong way). We rehearsed her new responses and then moved into a hypnosis session to release the anger, frustration and confusion that had built up over the years. During the hypnosis we also enhanced her patience and relaxation. When she emerged from the hypnosis she looked 20 years younger!

She gave me a huge hug!!! she beamed as she told me all about her daughters birthday and how she was catching up with friends she hadn’t seen in years. As she left she said “I’m finally living my life Trish!”

On the Saturday my thoughts wandered to her and her daughter. Something inside my soul said it was going well. She had sent me a text message on the Friday saying she may not be able to make her session on Wednesday as she had a full shift and may be tired. I told her we would leave it booked and if she showed up, she showed up.

Wednesday 10:00am came and no Cate. 10:10am still no Cate. It was ok. She had said she may not make it.
10:15am the phone rings and I missed it. This was the message I received …

I cried …

I rang her brother and didn’t know what to say. All my years of training with words and I had none …

Cate had passed from an aneurysm. As I hung up the phone in tears Cates last words vibrated through my mind: “I’m finally living my life Trish!”

My eyes fill with tears as I write this.

Grief reminds me that Cate chose me to give her life to. To share memories. She didn’t know how much time she had left but she chose me to share that time with. If there was no grief their was no connection.

Therapists grieve as well. Each client changes and evolves us in different ways. I have a wonderful supportive community of students and friends that reached out when they knew I was down. They lifted me back up reminding me that its ok to be sad. It’s not ok to set up camp and live in the sadness.

Cate I know you can’t see this but I want you to know that you are adorable and gave me cherished memories. I will pass on your wonderful stories to your daughter when she is ready.

Sending you hugs

Love Trish