KillHER Instincts
Survival Mechanisms
Fail ….
I do wonder if anybody else gets clients like these. One thing I know for sure is that they don’t tell you about them coming you way when you start your studies.
Recently I became a supervisor in the hypnosis community. The training was an eye opener as I was the only Hypnotherapist amongst psychologists and counsellors. As I listened to their gripes about the system and the cases they were dealing with I came to realise how many of these people follow and EXACT system that is based on steps rather than intuition.
Yes … I understand they are government regulated and have to follow certain systems but it really does limit everyone’s potential by thinking that everything can be set out in some “step by step” criteria as if it never fails. Which leads me to Judy. For some perspective Judy’s name has been changed. Imagine a 50yr old woman, child just left home, husband since child hood sweethearts lost his job and became jealous of her becoming the breadwinner.
I met Judy online. I always do a free consult to ensure we have rapport, understand the needs of the client and if it is within the scope of my training. Judy ticked all the boxes and I knew this was a perfect journey for her. Session 1 was the usual. Stressed client, pouring out what needed to be said to gain relief. As she signed off she said “I fucken hate my husband and wished he was dead”. This left me un nerved as she was in a great place and then just before leaving she flipped like Jekyll and Hyde. Was she being flippant? What do I do? Am I outside my scope?.
The thought plagued me and an hour later I rang her to discuss it. I also reminded her that I am under full requirement to report anything of harm. She convinced me everything was fine and even gave me his mobile number to ring and check in on him. The next morning she rang me and my heart stopped for a moment. She apologised for being so expressive and didn’t mean to cause me concern. I have worked with the South Australian Police on many occasions and my intuition was telling me something wasn’t right.
We jumped online later that afternoon (rather than waiting for a week). Instead of doing hypnosis I decided to teach her her love language and how to gauge if her love tank is empty. During this session I discovered that the abrasive way she spoke was all from her upbringing. She was being flippant. Not only did Judy come to the realisation that her love language was words of affirmation but it was her tone that was her mortal enemy. Deep down their was something about her that made me think she was a tough nut that was a softy inside. And it proved to be true. All her life she just wanted kind words and yet struggled to give them to herself. I gave her a task. Just for 1 morning you not allowed to whinge or complain. Then the next day do it for 1 afternoon - repeat till we meet next week.
The following week came around and she had been working on her tone. The conversation went exactly like this >
J > “OMG! it’s so hard!”
T > “What did you learn?”
J > “That people just like to whinge!!!”
T > “hahahahaha Ok let’s go deeper. What did you learn about Judy?”
J > “That many people just want to whinge about problems, not work on solutions”
T > “And your solution to finding love and peace is?”
J > “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it”
What happened here? Firstly educating Judy about herself is the key. Her instincts were telling her to use her words but, her tone killed any hope of those words turning into anything more than ash and dust. Keep the words, adjust the tone and watch the change :)
I have thoroughly enjoyed working with Judy since. Her relationship has gotten better. Still not where they want to be but, at least nobody is wishing anybody was dead. Love truly does heal us on so many levels. A bit of kindness even when others are horrible can still ease the dismay of stress.
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